My Not So "Right" Rite of Passage

At Old Faithful during our big trip with Sequoia Brigade Camp

I was 16 when my mom realized that my brother Mike and I needed some sort of initiation into manhood. I love her to death and appreciate her desire to mark this important transition but to put it gently ... it made me feel about as manly as a killer whale in bloomers. Without getting into details, let’s just say it involved a cupcake. I think there was a candle in it. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a HUGE fan of cupcakes, but a cupcake, thrust at you unexpectedly as a symbol of your transition into manhood doesn’t scream dignity or masculinity. Other than the cupcake the only thing I really remember are her good intentions and the awkward feeling I had. The whole experience lacked a sense of genuineness. I did not feel like I had crossed over into anything except more adolescent awkwardness.

I still feel a pit of awkwardness in my stomach just thinking about it.

I agree with my mom’s intentions. It is vital to mark clearly for our children the moment we stop considering them children and start viewing them as young men and women.

My Brother's Letters

I love my brothers. That is in itself evidence of God’s offensive intrusion into my heart. There was a day when I attempted to transform a skateboard into a bat by swinging it at Mike’s head; and all I thought of my older brother Steve when he stepped between my improvised bat and Mike’s melon is that he was butting in where he had no business.

Well, in God’s kindness I now love both of my brothers and all three of us are evidence of God’s mercy.

I thought I would take this opportunity to share the words that my brother’s chose to share with Josh to mark his transition into manhood. What a gift they are to me and to my son. It is indeed good when brothers dwell together in unity! (Psalm 133:1)

Uncle Mike's Letter ...

Uncle Steve's Letter ...

Uncle Mike's Letter To Josh

Josh,

So, now that you’re thirteen, your dad says I ought to impart some sage advice as you cross the threshold into manhood. Well, unfortunately, he seems to have failed to realize that since you are now officially a teenager, you already know everything anyway, so what’s the point? Sorry...had to get the teenager joke out of the way. But seriously....that will be my first piece of advice: no one likes a know it all. Only the immature think they know everything; a wise man seeks counsel. So be a wise man. If that sounds like a proverb, it probably is...somewhere.

Which leads me to my second piece of advice: Read the proverbs. Nothing I could say in this letter can hold a candle to the wisdom contained in the word of God. The proverbs were written especially for young men seeking wisdom as they navigated the turbulent waters into maturity. But don’t stop at the proverbs. Keep your nose in your bible. Live it, love it. Breathe it in and out. Your dad is the man he is today because of the instruction in the word. God demonstrates manhood for us. Read about how he fathered Israel, and how Jesus loves his bride, the church. Look at how the son loved his heavenly father and was always faithful, even when he was called to do hard things.

Remember that manhood is servant leadership. You are united to Christ, so your destiny will follow after His destiny as a vine mirrors the branch from which it derives all sustenance and vitality. This means your life will be one of humility, suffering and self-sacrifice. Sorry. That’s inevitable. But just

Uncle Steve's Letter

A great preacher by the name of Charles Spurgeon once said. "Free grace can go into the gutter and bring up a jewel." For you and I young man, there is no greater truth. 

You may not know this, but in this life I was at times a liar, a thief, a foolish man, dishonorable and scared, addicted to my own selfish pleasures and unable to admit even to myself that I was wrong. I tell you this at risk of changing the way you think of me, but I would rather you hear those truths than think of me as a man who relies on anything other than Christ to define who I am.

You see, the worst sin I have ever commited was hardly worse than my smallest sin when compared to the price that was paid for those sins. The greatest thing I have ever learned is that those sins are gone, done, finished.

In other words, the Christ that died for me came into the gutter to rescue me. He promised to heal me and leave me as clean as a sparkling jewel in the eyes of our Lord. I tell you this as a reminder that the worst you ever do Joshua is already paid for. If you find yourself living with guilt, shame, grief, or just questioning your own value, remember that you are an amazing and valued son of the King of Kings, destined to inherit eternal life. Christ can heal you in this life, just as he can heal death eternally. Every experience you have is designed to bring you closer to God, no matter how much it hurts or makes you sad, or angry, or scared. These are things every man feels, no matter how tough they look or act and those feelings are a gift, not to be ignored.

This also means you can be free from your own weaknesses and failures. No matter what happens,

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert

"As a leftist lesbian professor, I despised Christians. Then I somehow became one.”

The title caught my attention too!

I didn’t actually read the book first. I ran across a Christianity Today article that had been posted by a friend on Facebook by the author, Rosaria Buterfield. The article title was provocative enough that I was compelled to click on the link and after the first short paragraph I was hooked.

By the time I got to the end of the article I was so convinced of the importance of this woman’s message of the power of the cross and the redeeming grace of God, that I purchased her book, watched all the

Tactics for Talking with Your Son

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Wondering how to talk to your sons? Yup, it takes effort. Yup, it can be awkward. But there is no greater blessing than to see God use your words to bring about the growth, maturity, and spiritual health of your children. The list of 'tactics' below is specifically targeted toward talking to sons but much of it is relevant for talking to daughters as well.

WARNING: As I warn in my workshop, the answer to our communication struggles is NOT found in using the right tactics. The answer is found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Tactics will never work unless they are used in the context of the Spirit of God working in our hearts and the hearts of our sons. With that said I hope you find these ideas helpful.

1. Be PROACTIVE
• Your sons will most often NOT come to you first. You are the adult. You are the leader and manager of your home. You must take the step no matter how scared, incompetent, or hypocritical you feel.
• Start BEFORE things become a problem
• For example: Start talking to your sons about sex around age 11 (in an age appropriate manner)

2. Be SPECIFIC.
• When sons begin to move into the teenage years conversations should be often and should be specific.
• “How are you doing” is too general
• “In what areas are you struggling with X” is a better question
• Once you have built some trust questions like “When was the last time you looked at porn” is a good specific question

Dad's YOU Need to Be Talking to Your Sons About This Stuff

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Here's a handout that I provided to the men who attended my seminar this past Saturday entitled "A father's Call." This handout lists a number of key issues about which dads should be talking with their sons:
 

This is certainly not an exhaustive list nor is it the only important topics about which to be talking with your sons, but it certainly is a good start and I hope you find it beneficial.

1. The Gospel

·         What is the gospel?

·         The exclusive nature of the gospel: Jesus as the only way

·         The importance of loving others and sharing the gospel

·         The exhaustive nature of the gospel: It affects everything we are and do

2. Devotional life

·         How often did your son set time aside to read this week?

·         How was the quality of his time in the word and prayer?

·         What did he read?

·         What insights did he gain? How was he challenged or encouraged?

·         Did he feel like reading/praying?

·         What is the trajectory of his spiritual journey

3. Sex

The Basics

·         Biological Mechanics

·         What to expect during puberty

Sexual Sin

·         Guarding eyes and thoughts

·         Pornography

·         Masturbation

Do I Really Know My Son?

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There are lot's of distractions in a man's life, many of which are even legitimate, (like working to provide for our families) that prevent us from thinking about how we're doing in our leadership in the home. During a workshop I did this past Saturday designed to help equip dads to speak to their sons I handed out this set of "diagnostic questions." It was designed as a thought provoker. Hopefully you find it helpful as well.

Diagnostic Questions:

As fathers we should be growing in our expertise concerning our families. The word ‘husband’ literally means ‘manager’ and all husbands and fathers should be ‘managers of their homes. Good managers know the strengths and weaknesses of the people on their team. Because of this fathers should know their children well and should be progressing in that knowledge. To put it bluntly, If you know your teams baseball teams stats better than you know your son’s stats your priorities are wacked.

These questions are designed to help you asses how well you know your sons and to give you some ideas regarding where to start learning. There are lot’s more that could be asked but this is a good start.

Desiring God, Meditations of a Christian Hedonist --by John Piper

I've found myself quoting and recommending this book every few days for the past week.I think that means that it is both practical and worthy of recommending to you all.

Often as our new heart struggles with the old flesh that still clings to us we are tempted to turn obedience into something it was never intended to be: a back breaking burden.

But the two goals of both glorifying God and and enjoying him seem so naturally in conflict with one another.

In Piper's book he seeks among other things to help us understand that these two dual purposes for mankind not only can get along but in the end they kiss one another.

 One of the most memorable quotes from the book for me:

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Take a closer look

My Train Wreck Conversion

"As a leftist lesbian professor, I despised Christians. Then I somehow became one."

I ran across this article by accident and it left me speechless and with tears in my eyes as I contemplated the power of God to redeem us.

It was too valuable not to share:

This interview with the author is at once funny, insightful, encouraging and convicting.

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My Train Wreck Conversion

The word Jesus stuck in my throat like an elephant tusk; no matter how hard I choked, I couldn't hack it out. Those who professed the name commanded my pity and wrath. As a university professor, I tired of students who seemed to believe that "knowing Jesus" meant knowing little else. Christians in particular were bad readers, always seizing opportunities to insert a Bible verse into a conversation with the same point as a punctuation mark: to end it rather than deepen it.

Stupid. Pointless. Menacing. That's what I thought of Christians and their god Jesus, who in paintings looked as powerful as a Breck Shampoo commercial model.

As a professor of English and women's studies, on the track to becoming a tenured radical, I cared about morality, justice, and compassion. Fervent for the worldviews of Freud, Hegel, Marx, and Darwin, I strove to stand with the disempowered. I valued morality. And I probably could have stomached Jesus and his band of warriors if it weren't for how other cultural forces buttressed the Christian Right. Pat Robertson's quip from the 1992 Republican National Convention pushed me over the edge: "Feminism," he sneered, "encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." Indeed. The surround sound of Christian dogma comingling with Republican politics demanded my attention.

Read the rest of the article

Top 10 Reasons our Kids Leave Church

I just read this article and it nails the reasons that we are losing 70% of our young men and women. As they exit high school they are also exiting the church. If you are concerned at all for the church or for our covenant children I strongly recommend you read this blog post
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Top 10 Reasons our Kids Leave Church

"We all know them, the kids who were raised in church. They were stars of the youth group. They maybe even sang in the praise band or led worship. And then… they graduate from High School and they leave church. What happened?

It seems to happen so often that I wanted to do some digging; To talk to these kids and get some honest answers. I work in a major college town with a large number of 20-somethings. Nearly all of them were raised in very typical evangelical churches. Nearly all of them have left the church with no intention of returning. I spend a lot of time with them and it takes very little to get them to vent, and I’m happy to listen. So, after lots of hours spent in coffee shops and after buying a few lunches, here are the most common thoughts taken from dozens of conversations. I hope some of them make you angry. Not at the message, but at the failure of our pragmatic replacement of the gospel of the cross with an Americanized gospel of glory. This isn’t a negative “beat up on the church” post. I love the church, and I want to see American evangelicalism return to the gospel of repentance and faith in Christ for the forgiveness of sins; not just as something on our “what we believe” page on our website, but as the core of what we preach from our pulpits to our children, our youth, and our adults."

Read the rest of the article

A Letter I received from a young man

Is it as obvious to you as it is to me how exceptionally capable 

young men are of maturity? 

If this picture doesn’t convince you read this letter I received.

I received this email from a 15 year old young man I have been discipling for the past year and a half. When I first met him at camp he seemed devoid of almost any ability to control his impulses. He was a constant drain on my energy. And yet, underneath that foolishness great potential seemed to loom. We started writing back and forth, I got to know his parents, and the results of lots of time and prayer can be seen in this email. It stands in such stark contrast to his former childishness that I called him after receiving this to make sure he actually wrote it. “Everything but the poem” was his response. I hope you are as encouraged by his words as I was!

Here is what he wrote:

“Strength. Sometimes I strive for it in the wrong way. I try to muster up my own courage, I try to be stronger, or squelch any fear I may be having. I try. I try. I try. And it’s all wrong. That’s why true strength can often elude us. WE are doing the trying. True

Ways To Support Our Family's Ministry Financially

(Please reference our account #312070 when donating)

 

1. Recurring credit card donation.

Benefits

·         Easy way to meet monthly, bi-monthly, or quarterly support commitments.

·         Never miss a donation due to forgetfulness.

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·         Save money on postage and stamps.

·         Help your CSB missionary to more accurately track and anticipate your support.

Getting Started

·         Change or stop a recurring donation at any time with a phone call.

·         Processed every month on the 20th (or the closest business day to the 20th).

·         Phone CSB Ministries (800.815.5573) to get started.

2. One time phone donation

Call 1-800-815-5573 to make a donation over the phone - You can do this once or set up an auto pay

3. Easy online donation via Credit Card.

http://www.csbministries.org/site/donate/

4. Postal mail.

I’ve included a donation slip to help make this option even easier for you. Here’s the address to which it should be sent:

CSB Ministries
P.O. Box 150
Wheaton, IL 60189

Thank you for joining us in our ministry!

(Don’t forget to reference our account #312070 when donating)

Ministry Updates: October 2012

The Legume Launch. Sometimes the target becomes the back of dad's head.

A lot has happened over the past few weeks. As always we thank you for your interest in our ministry and really appreciate your prayers!

Father/Son Team day

A little over a week ago I had the exciting opportunity to help organize the 2012 Father/Son Team Day. It was such a joy to see 197 fathers and sons playing, competing, and memorizing scripture together. You can learn more about it or see a few pictures from the event.

 

New churches

I have had the privilege over the past couple months to see the establishment of a couple new CSB discipleship programs. Westminster Pres. in Yakima, WA announced a family discipleship night and saw more than 100 people show up interested in a context where dads and moms could disciple their sons and daughters. I got another call from a youth pastor who recognized that he needed to train his young men to become godly Christ-centered leaders. So we helped him set up a weekly night in which men in the church disciple the young men and they in turn get a chance to practice leadership!

Ministry Stories: Some Thoughts on Shaving

With each pass of my razor it became clear that this ordinary moment
in my life was not ordinary for him at all.

Shaving is a big deal. It’s a big deal for dudes who have to shave daily, because it’s an annoying hassle and blades are a hugely expensive racket running a close second behind ink cartridges. But when you are a young man it’s a big deal in a totally different way. It represents a major threshold into manliness. It is easy for me standing so far past that threshold to forget how important this mark of masculinity was to me as a young man.

My own fatherlessness was not a daily part of my thinking, but I can still feel the palpable sense of embarrassment and frustration not really knowing how to even begin the process. I think I felt like the manly thing to do would be to figure it out on my own. The irony is that this is one of those rights of passage that really is supposed to be taught.

Like a family tradition, it is supposed to be treated as a special season in the life of a young man, and should be handed down carefully from one generation to another. What a huge mistake we make when we assume a cold utilitarianism in our approach to these important

Cool Reads: Knowing God, by J.I. Packer

Karen and I are loving this book!

I collect books with a high and lofty goal in doing so … to read them. But it pains me to admit that many an amazing book still lays lonely and unread on my book shelf. One of these specimens of neglect has now been pulled off the shelf and Karen and I are reading it together. And it is a tragedy that a book this wonderful has sat so close to me for so long without receiving the respect it so clearly deserves!

Knowing God has stood the test of time for the last 40 years. It continues to be as relevant and beautiful now as it did four decades ago, in part because the subject matter (the Triune God) is himself eternally interesting, and also because it is so well written.

I leave you with a few excerpts from the beginning of the book and my hope is that if you want to know God better you will not miss the time tested insights of this book.

In Chapter one Williamson begins to answer the foundational question: "Who needs Theology?"

“... Knowing God is crucially important for the living of our lives. As it would be cruel to

Painting Without Hands

“Because children have abounding vitality, because they are in spirit fierce and free, therefore they want things repeated and unchanged. They always say, "Do it again"; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, "Do it again" to the sun; and every evening, "Do it again" to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity

Junior Leadership Conference 2012/2013

Practical and Fun Leadership Training for guys ages 12-18, January 2-4, 2012

Join me at The Junior Leadership Conference January 2-4, 2013 and learn practical leadership skills from amazing speakers while having loads of fun with our teen guys!

We challenge our young men to be Christian Leaders but often leave them wondering exactly how to do so. This conference provides practical strategies to help equip young men for their important call to Christian leadership.

In an action packed setting this three day event helps equip young men to pursue Christ-like leadership. Team building, games, small group Bible studies, leadership seminars, service opportunities and a challenging and a practical keynote speaker are topped off by seriously amazing food.

No one attending this conference will leave without being better equipped to lead, inspired to serve, and very well fed! 


It is NOT necessary that the young men attending be involved in a CSB program. The event is open to any young man between the ages of 12 and 18. If you are younger than 12 you must be recommended by a Brigade senior leader, pastor, or you can contact me to discuss. davidbgregg@hotmail.com

Download the Registration Form

THE VERSE - For the 2012 Father/Son Team Day

1 Peter 5:6-11

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you,

casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 

Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 

Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 

To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen."

If you haven't attended before you should know that the memory verse is weighted heavily. If you do well on the verse it can help you significantly toward bringing home a trophy!

Father/son Team Day - What to Bring and Other helpful Stuff

Click here for more event information

For those of you who will be attending the Father/Son Team Day we are really excited that you have chosen to make the time to spend with your sons! Below are a few more details to help you prepare. 

Let me know if you have any questions.

Good Item To Bring:

• Sunscreen
• Camera 
• Hat
• Water Bottle