What About The "Good Kids"? Part I by Jason Wisdom

A young man recommended this to me. I figured I should pay attention ...

This piece is from the "Jason Wisdom's Blog." Though maybe I should have, I'd never heard about him before this. I haven't made a thorough investigation of his blog so don't assume this is a universal endorsement, but he asks a good question and identifies an at risk part of the church. I look forward to seeing some of his answers to the problem in Part 2.

What About The "Good Kids"?

By Jason Wisdom

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

"All of the talk about "Why Millennials Are Leaving The Church" over the past couple of weeks has interesting to say the least. I think there were valuable insights to be gleaned from both sides of the debate that ensued. Even so, there has been more than enough written about Rachel Held Evans' now famous/infamous CNN article. For that reason, I will spare you my commentary. However, the discussion has prompted me to think about one particular group of young people that are prone to "leaving". This group rarely gets any attention from the groups who specialize in "reaching young people with the Gospel". This group does not t really stir up much theological controversy. But before I describe this group to you, let me say that I do not mean to suggest that reaching any one group is more vital than another. It is easy for us to think that because we have a passion for a particular group that everyone else should drop what they are doing and join us. That is not what I am saying. My goal is to hopefully inform some people about a group that they may not have considered. Furthermore, I hope to stir up people who share my passion for reaching this group. Alright; enough preface.

The group to which I am referring could be called the "good kids". These are people who grew up in children's church, Sunday school, VBS, church camp, Disciplenow, SuperWow, youth group, Bible study, small group, mission trips, street evangelism etc. They were in church every time the doors were open and extremely involved. They only listened to Christian music and read the entire Chronicles of Narnia. They had Christian t-shirts, bracelets, hats, bumper stickers, mugs, posters, etc. Some of them went to a Christian high school and most of them went to a Christian college (if they didn't become youth pastors or worship leaders straight out of HS). The "rebellious" ones got Hebrew character and Ichthus tattoos when they turned 18. You get the picture. These are the "good kids".

But when they became adults and the real world became their world, a lot of them just got bored with

Father and Son Team Day 2013

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Dads and sons, don’t miss this opportunity to spend the day enjoying time together as you have fun competing with other dad/son teams and making unforgettable memories!

Time and Location:
The competition takes place at the Kiwanis Youth Camp in La Grange, CA (East of Modesto) starting at 8:30 AM Saturday, October 5th and ending around 5 PM.

View the google map.

Directions:

Here's a Picture of the gate you will go through once you arrive

Take Hwy 99 to Modesto. Exit at Hwy 132 East. Follow Hwy 132 through Modesto approximately 15 miles to Waterford.
Continue through Waterford on Hwy 132 and drive an additional 17 miles toward La Grange.
Immediately after crossing the Tuolumne River bridge, turn right on Lake Road, and then turn left through the gate into the Kiwanis Youth Camp.

Free Camping the Night Before:
There is a free opportunity to camp out at the competition site the night before for any dads and sons who would like to do so. There is no additional cost for this and it is an additional opportunity to spend time together. The gate opens at 5pm on Friday.

Cost:
$35 per man and $15 per boy. If you send in your payment and registration postmarked before Friday September 27th we will give you $5 off your total registration fee.

Trebuchet Day at the Big Valley Grace Church Battalion in Modesto

The guys at the Big Valley Grace Church Battalion in Modesto decided that they wanted to go medieval ... so they made a Trebuchet ... wait ... they made three! I've posted a video and a link to some pictures.

I must say it was pretty cool!
 
Take a look at all the pictures and videos of this event!

John Pulling the Pin. You can see the arm releasing, and the last moments of the  unfortunate fruit in the sling ...

Summer Break!

My young friend,

It’s been way to long since we’ve seen you and your family! But I am still praying for you. You are not forgotten. And neither is the fact that the summer is about to be upon us!!!

Ah yes … freedom! Free time! Late nights and late mornings! Swimming! Oh yeah … and complaining about being bored!

Your life is WAY different than mine so I can only imagine how you feel about your summers. I went to a public school where parents had free babysitting for most of the year but where they released us back into our parents trembling arms for 3 nerve-racking months. As I got older I was able to fill that time with serving at camp and learning while I had adventures on SBC trips, but even with all that diversion I remember complaining about being bored. I wanted something to do.

I think that impulse was a good one. We are not meant to be sitting around doing nothing. And contrary to the collective belief of modern teenagers we are not meant to be playing and getting entertained all day every day. God meant us to be productive people.

I don’t know what your summers look like. I don’t know how much free time you actually have but my guess is that you probably have more than you do during the rest of the year.

The childish response to this additional free time would be to use it frivolously and to wait passively for your parents to tell you what you need to do to fill that time. Never forget that Adam’s blood courses through your covenantal veins and that means, among other things, that you will have a

Worried For Your Son? There is hope ... but it is not found in your son.

I could tell from his posture he was about to say something. Ryan was sitting across the table strewn with the casualties of a successful battle with lunch and we'd been catching up on how the last week had gone. Ryan is one of those guys who is pretty open about his faults when he feels safe. But usually this openness takes the form of me warning him that I am about to use God's Word to rough him up a bit and after getting knocked gently but firmly around, shaking his head and acknowledging his peccadilloes. But what was about to pour forth freely from Ryan's mouth was unprovoked.

Well not completely unprovoked. The Holy Spirit has been doing quite a bit of provoking in Ryan's life recently and this gusher was just another example of what happens to young men when God takes his hammer and chisel to their hearts.

Ryan was now leaning slightly forward as thought furrows began to creep over his forehead. Words were piecing themselves together behind that think piece of skull bone.

Then almost as if he was scolding himself for not having seen it years earlier the words began to

The Past Few Months in Pictures

The past two months have been a pretty constant pace of activity. Below are a few highlights in photos.

Niagara Falls in April and the CSB Staff Conference

Once a year I have the privilege of getting together with the other field staff from around North America to plan and work (and play). This year was near Buffalo N.Y. where our new CSB Headquarters is now located. Some of the pictures are from the house where we stayed. Most of the rest were taken on a spur of the moment trip to Niagara Falls on the way to the airport. Yes ... it was cold. View the pictures...

 

Trip up to visit churches in Oregon and Washington

My CSB region extends up to Oregon and Washington. Here are some pictures of our visit including the WW1 memorial along the Columbia river, and one of the churches we visited. View the pictures...

Young men competing and practicing leadership at the Norcal Camporal

In April young men from around Norcal practice leadership and teamwork competing against one another at the Norcal Camporal. View the pictures...

 

Socal Father/Son Team Day

Fathers and their sons teamed up earlier this month to compete with other father/son pairs in fun events at the Socal Father/Son Team Day. View the pictures...

Collision: Acid Tongued Atheist Meets Presuppositional Apologetics

COLLISION carves a new path in documentary film-making as it pits leading atheist, political journalist and bestselling author Christopher Hitchens against fellow author, satirist and evangelical theologian Douglas Wilson, as they go on the road to exchange blows over the question: "Is Christianity Good for the World?". The two contrarians laugh, confide and argue, in public and in private, as they journey through three cities. And the film captures it all. The result is a magnetic conflict, a character-driven narrative that sparkles cinematically with a perfect match of arresting personalities and intellectual rivalry.

In May 2007, leading atheist Christopher Hitchens and Christian apologist Douglas Wilson began to argue the topic “Is Christianity Good for the World?” in a series of written exchanges published in Christianity Today. The rowdy literary bout piqued the interest of filmmaker

Darren Doane, who sought out Hitchens and Wilson to pitch the idea of making a film around the debate.



In Fall 2008, Doane and crew accompanied Hitchens and Wilson on an east coast tour to promote the book compiled from their written debate titled creatively enough, Is Christianity Good for the World?. “I loved the idea of putting one of the beltway’s most respected public intellectuals together with an ultra-conservative pastor from Idaho that looks like a lumberjack”, says Doane. “You couldn’t write two characters more contrary. What’s more real than a fight between two guys who are on complete opposite sides of the fence on the most divisive issue in the world? We were ready to make a movie about two intellectual warriors at the top of their game going one-on-one. I knew it would make an amazing film.”

In Christopher Hitchens, Doane found a celebrated prophet of atheism. Loud. Funny. Angry. Smart. Quick. An intimidating intellectual Goliath. Well-known for bullying and mocking believers into

Back Home and Surrounded

Now is the time to be stubborn...

I had the privilege of speaking at the Jenness Park Father/Son Retreat this past weekend. Here's an email I sent to the guys who attended. FYI - One of the themes was the stubbornness of Faith which prompts us to obey the voice of God even when the evidence tells us that defeat is inevitable.

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You're home. Well … probably not. You’re at work, or at school, or driving … or wherever you are you're not at Jenness Park. Life has begun again. The parenthetical rest has come to an end and the challenges of real life surround you.

are

The exciting intentions you had yesterday might suddenly seem far less exciting and far less realistic as you survey the hills around you and see the genuinely formidable armies of your life pressing in on every side.

But this is not the first time a man of God has been surrounded by enemies. This is not the first time God has required us to step out in that stubborn faith.

So step. It starts with one. Just one step. Worry about that first one first. Jesus said something similar “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” Mathew 6:34

So what are you going to do? What’s the plan?

If you are a young man reading this are you going to keep trying to fight on your own? Are you tired of failing? Tired of being out-flanked by the enemy because your back is unprotected?  Are you ready to start running instead of getting shot up every time you try to take a stand?

Then stop trying to fight on your own. Go to your father, and with your faith placed NOT in your dad, but firmly and stubbornly in the promises of your Heavenly Father let him know what you’ve been struggling with. Fighting with someone alongside you is so much better than the loneliness of pride.

No father around? I know that story. It was mine. Thank God that you have at least one man who loves you enough to have brought you this weekend. He’s obviously already got your back. Now let him know what’s really going on so he knows your weak points and can really begin to provide the protection that each of us needs.

If you are a father reading this than you and I both know the load of reasons why change is seeming more impossible as each minute passes. Life is busy. The phone call that just came in and gave you

Prayer Requests

Thank you for praying for  our family's ministry. Here are some things that we'd love for you to remember in prayer for us:

2013 CSB Staff Conference
The annual staff conference is this coming week. (March 16-23) I'm flying to Buffalo, NY. Please pray that this conference continues to be as productive and edifying as the proceeding ones.

Jenness Park
I am preparing to speak at a Father/Son Camp at Jenness Park Christian Camp May 3-5. Please pray for my preparation as well as that the attendees come with hearts ready to hear the message.

ISI Men's Conference Follow-up
I just spoke at an Iron Sharpens Iron Men's conference this past Saturday. God gave me the chance to speak to between 75 and 100 dads who were each interested in learning how to better speak to their sons. Please pray that they took home valuable tools and that they have the courage and streangth to actually put these tools into practice.

New Churches
I have had the privilege recently of being contacted out of the blue by churches that want to help their men disciple the boys and young men in their congregation and would like CSB Ministries to help them in that regard. Please pray that God would bless me as I seek to help equip them and that the men in each church would have a bold and clear vision for how to accomplish this vital task in their church.

New Materials

We are releasing one new module for our 3rd-6th grade discipleship materials. Please pray that we can continue to meet this target.

My Not So "Right" Rite of Passage

At Old Faithful during our big trip with Sequoia Brigade Camp

I was 16 when my mom realized that my brother Mike and I needed some sort of initiation into manhood. I love her to death and appreciate her desire to mark this important transition but to put it gently ... it made me feel about as manly as a killer whale in bloomers. Without getting into details, let’s just say it involved a cupcake. I think there was a candle in it. Now don’t get me wrong, I am a HUGE fan of cupcakes, but a cupcake, thrust at you unexpectedly as a symbol of your transition into manhood doesn’t scream dignity or masculinity. Other than the cupcake the only thing I really remember are her good intentions and the awkward feeling I had. The whole experience lacked a sense of genuineness. I did not feel like I had crossed over into anything except more adolescent awkwardness.

I still feel a pit of awkwardness in my stomach just thinking about it.

I agree with my mom’s intentions. It is vital to mark clearly for our children the moment we stop considering them children and start viewing them as young men and women.

My Brother's Letters

I love my brothers. That is in itself evidence of God’s offensive intrusion into my heart. There was a day when I attempted to transform a skateboard into a bat by swinging it at Mike’s head; and all I thought of my older brother Steve when he stepped between my improvised bat and Mike’s melon is that he was butting in where he had no business.

Well, in God’s kindness I now love both of my brothers and all three of us are evidence of God’s mercy.

I thought I would take this opportunity to share the words that my brother’s chose to share with Josh to mark his transition into manhood. What a gift they are to me and to my son. It is indeed good when brothers dwell together in unity! (Psalm 133:1)

Uncle Mike's Letter ...

Uncle Steve's Letter ...

Uncle Mike's Letter To Josh

Josh,

So, now that you’re thirteen, your dad says I ought to impart some sage advice as you cross the threshold into manhood. Well, unfortunately, he seems to have failed to realize that since you are now officially a teenager, you already know everything anyway, so what’s the point? Sorry...had to get the teenager joke out of the way. But seriously....that will be my first piece of advice: no one likes a know it all. Only the immature think they know everything; a wise man seeks counsel. So be a wise man. If that sounds like a proverb, it probably is...somewhere.

Which leads me to my second piece of advice: Read the proverbs. Nothing I could say in this letter can hold a candle to the wisdom contained in the word of God. The proverbs were written especially for young men seeking wisdom as they navigated the turbulent waters into maturity. But don’t stop at the proverbs. Keep your nose in your bible. Live it, love it. Breathe it in and out. Your dad is the man he is today because of the instruction in the word. God demonstrates manhood for us. Read about how he fathered Israel, and how Jesus loves his bride, the church. Look at how the son loved his heavenly father and was always faithful, even when he was called to do hard things.

Remember that manhood is servant leadership. You are united to Christ, so your destiny will follow after His destiny as a vine mirrors the branch from which it derives all sustenance and vitality. This means your life will be one of humility, suffering and self-sacrifice. Sorry. That’s inevitable. But just

Uncle Steve's Letter

A great preacher by the name of Charles Spurgeon once said. "Free grace can go into the gutter and bring up a jewel." For you and I young man, there is no greater truth. 

You may not know this, but in this life I was at times a liar, a thief, a foolish man, dishonorable and scared, addicted to my own selfish pleasures and unable to admit even to myself that I was wrong. I tell you this at risk of changing the way you think of me, but I would rather you hear those truths than think of me as a man who relies on anything other than Christ to define who I am.

You see, the worst sin I have ever commited was hardly worse than my smallest sin when compared to the price that was paid for those sins. The greatest thing I have ever learned is that those sins are gone, done, finished.

In other words, the Christ that died for me came into the gutter to rescue me. He promised to heal me and leave me as clean as a sparkling jewel in the eyes of our Lord. I tell you this as a reminder that the worst you ever do Joshua is already paid for. If you find yourself living with guilt, shame, grief, or just questioning your own value, remember that you are an amazing and valued son of the King of Kings, destined to inherit eternal life. Christ can heal you in this life, just as he can heal death eternally. Every experience you have is designed to bring you closer to God, no matter how much it hurts or makes you sad, or angry, or scared. These are things every man feels, no matter how tough they look or act and those feelings are a gift, not to be ignored.

This also means you can be free from your own weaknesses and failures. No matter what happens,

The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert

"As a leftist lesbian professor, I despised Christians. Then I somehow became one.”

The title caught my attention too!

I didn’t actually read the book first. I ran across a Christianity Today article that had been posted by a friend on Facebook by the author, Rosaria Buterfield. The article title was provocative enough that I was compelled to click on the link and after the first short paragraph I was hooked.

By the time I got to the end of the article I was so convinced of the importance of this woman’s message of the power of the cross and the redeeming grace of God, that I purchased her book, watched all the

Tactics for Talking with Your Son

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Wondering how to talk to your sons? Yup, it takes effort. Yup, it can be awkward. But there is no greater blessing than to see God use your words to bring about the growth, maturity, and spiritual health of your children. The list of 'tactics' below is specifically targeted toward talking to sons but much of it is relevant for talking to daughters as well.

WARNING: As I warn in my workshop, the answer to our communication struggles is NOT found in using the right tactics. The answer is found in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Tactics will never work unless they are used in the context of the Spirit of God working in our hearts and the hearts of our sons. With that said I hope you find these ideas helpful.

1. Be PROACTIVE
• Your sons will most often NOT come to you first. You are the adult. You are the leader and manager of your home. You must take the step no matter how scared, incompetent, or hypocritical you feel.
• Start BEFORE things become a problem
• For example: Start talking to your sons about sex around age 11 (in an age appropriate manner)

2. Be SPECIFIC.
• When sons begin to move into the teenage years conversations should be often and should be specific.
• “How are you doing” is too general
• “In what areas are you struggling with X” is a better question
• Once you have built some trust questions like “When was the last time you looked at porn” is a good specific question

Dad's YOU Need to Be Talking to Your Sons About This Stuff

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Here's a handout that I provided to the men who attended my seminar this past Saturday entitled "A father's Call." This handout lists a number of key issues about which dads should be talking with their sons:
 

This is certainly not an exhaustive list nor is it the only important topics about which to be talking with your sons, but it certainly is a good start and I hope you find it beneficial.

1. The Gospel

·         What is the gospel?

·         The exclusive nature of the gospel: Jesus as the only way

·         The importance of loving others and sharing the gospel

·         The exhaustive nature of the gospel: It affects everything we are and do

2. Devotional life

·         How often did your son set time aside to read this week?

·         How was the quality of his time in the word and prayer?

·         What did he read?

·         What insights did he gain? How was he challenged or encouraged?

·         Did he feel like reading/praying?

·         What is the trajectory of his spiritual journey

3. Sex

The Basics

·         Biological Mechanics

·         What to expect during puberty

Sexual Sin

·         Guarding eyes and thoughts

·         Pornography

·         Masturbation

Do I Really Know My Son?

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There are lot's of distractions in a man's life, many of which are even legitimate, (like working to provide for our families) that prevent us from thinking about how we're doing in our leadership in the home. During a workshop I did this past Saturday designed to help equip dads to speak to their sons I handed out this set of "diagnostic questions." It was designed as a thought provoker. Hopefully you find it helpful as well.

Diagnostic Questions:

As fathers we should be growing in our expertise concerning our families. The word ‘husband’ literally means ‘manager’ and all husbands and fathers should be ‘managers of their homes. Good managers know the strengths and weaknesses of the people on their team. Because of this fathers should know their children well and should be progressing in that knowledge. To put it bluntly, If you know your teams baseball teams stats better than you know your son’s stats your priorities are wacked.

These questions are designed to help you asses how well you know your sons and to give you some ideas regarding where to start learning. There are lot’s more that could be asked but this is a good start.

Desiring God, Meditations of a Christian Hedonist --by John Piper

I've found myself quoting and recommending this book every few days for the past week.I think that means that it is both practical and worthy of recommending to you all.

Often as our new heart struggles with the old flesh that still clings to us we are tempted to turn obedience into something it was never intended to be: a back breaking burden.

But the two goals of both glorifying God and and enjoying him seem so naturally in conflict with one another.

In Piper's book he seeks among other things to help us understand that these two dual purposes for mankind not only can get along but in the end they kiss one another.

 One of the most memorable quotes from the book for me:

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

Take a closer look

My Train Wreck Conversion

"As a leftist lesbian professor, I despised Christians. Then I somehow became one."

I ran across this article by accident and it left me speechless and with tears in my eyes as I contemplated the power of God to redeem us.

It was too valuable not to share:

This interview with the author is at once funny, insightful, encouraging and convicting.

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My Train Wreck Conversion

The word Jesus stuck in my throat like an elephant tusk; no matter how hard I choked, I couldn't hack it out. Those who professed the name commanded my pity and wrath. As a university professor, I tired of students who seemed to believe that "knowing Jesus" meant knowing little else. Christians in particular were bad readers, always seizing opportunities to insert a Bible verse into a conversation with the same point as a punctuation mark: to end it rather than deepen it.

Stupid. Pointless. Menacing. That's what I thought of Christians and their god Jesus, who in paintings looked as powerful as a Breck Shampoo commercial model.

As a professor of English and women's studies, on the track to becoming a tenured radical, I cared about morality, justice, and compassion. Fervent for the worldviews of Freud, Hegel, Marx, and Darwin, I strove to stand with the disempowered. I valued morality. And I probably could have stomached Jesus and his band of warriors if it weren't for how other cultural forces buttressed the Christian Right. Pat Robertson's quip from the 1992 Republican National Convention pushed me over the edge: "Feminism," he sneered, "encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians." Indeed. The surround sound of Christian dogma comingling with Republican politics demanded my attention.

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Top 10 Reasons our Kids Leave Church

I just read this article and it nails the reasons that we are losing 70% of our young men and women. As they exit high school they are also exiting the church. If you are concerned at all for the church or for our covenant children I strongly recommend you read this blog post
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Top 10 Reasons our Kids Leave Church

"We all know them, the kids who were raised in church. They were stars of the youth group. They maybe even sang in the praise band or led worship. And then… they graduate from High School and they leave church. What happened?

It seems to happen so often that I wanted to do some digging; To talk to these kids and get some honest answers. I work in a major college town with a large number of 20-somethings. Nearly all of them were raised in very typical evangelical churches. Nearly all of them have left the church with no intention of returning. I spend a lot of time with them and it takes very little to get them to vent, and I’m happy to listen. So, after lots of hours spent in coffee shops and after buying a few lunches, here are the most common thoughts taken from dozens of conversations. I hope some of them make you angry. Not at the message, but at the failure of our pragmatic replacement of the gospel of the cross with an Americanized gospel of glory. This isn’t a negative “beat up on the church” post. I love the church, and I want to see American evangelicalism return to the gospel of repentance and faith in Christ for the forgiveness of sins; not just as something on our “what we believe” page on our website, but as the core of what we preach from our pulpits to our children, our youth, and our adults."

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